bleeding_notes's Xanga

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 19:17:08 GMT

NEW XANGA!!!!! After this, I probaly won't use this, and if I do, it will be for very small unimportant things.......thanks!

Subscribe to me

my new xanga is--------> XbeautifullyxheartbrokenX

Xrachelle lynnX

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 22:15:25 GMT

Second update today....nothing happening, have some lyrics.

STUTTERFLY 'GUN IN HAND'

What... what was so bad?
What had he done to make you return,
this time with a gun?

Intimidation, growing bigger.
what the hell made, you pull the trigger?

Spend a lifetime
You want it, you got it, you feel it
gun in hand
trying to understand.
you want it, you got it, you feel it
gun in hand
Why you reason
You want it, you got it, you feel it
with a gun in hand
We all burn in hell

Thought... thought this all through,
thought it might be fun.
Shot in the head to show everyone.

Intimidation, growing bigger.
what the hell made, you pull the trigger?

Spend a lifetime
You want it, you got it, you feel it
gun in hand
trying to understand.
you want it, you got it, you feel it
gun in hand
Why you reason
You want it, you got it, you feel it
with a gun in hand.
We all burn in hell

Held in his friends arms
blood on his face
hole in his head
gripped by deaths embrace
embrace

Spend a lifetime
You want it, you got it, you feel it
gun in hand
trying to understand.
you want it, you got it, you feel it
gun in hand
Why you reason
You want it, you got it, you feel it
with a gun in hand.

Thank you...tomorrow=britts, camerons, other things? I only know the beginning part lol.....Okay, later.

</3
Xrachelle lynnX

"I didn't want to make this my only option" she cried with the gun to her head.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 15:40:13 GMT

Yesturday, Ah yes, what a day. I sat here on my computer for many hours yesturday afternoon, until finally Britt and Cedez made up there mind on what we were going to do. So, the plan was that I would walk up to Bryan and Brandon Davidsons. I got there, and me, britt, and cedez sat on the couch, which for those of you who dont know is in there room. The dogs kept smelling me, and it was quite annoying. Then, they all decided on a new game "Let's throw Rachelle's fire sauce packs at each other." Well, it just so happens that I had a ball for my belly button ring in my hand, and it was clear. And some idiot decided to throw one at me, and I dropped it in the couch. After we found, I decided that clear wasn't a smart one, so I got a red one. Then, we walked down to Cedez house, about a half an hour later, me, britt, and Bryan went back up to his house, sat in his room, and took pictures with the digital camera, which I will show to you once I get them. Then. I went home for about 40 minutes, went back up, and we sat there for about 20 minutes, then we decided to walk to Camerons, after me and britt changed shirts, Cameron= not home, so we went to Britts, went to park, where my dad picked me up. How fun, eh? Oh yes.
So that was that. Too much walking in one day, haha. Nah, that is nothing compared to what we usually do....................
TOMORROW=CAMERONS WITH BRITT BRYAN Yay

Okay, that is all for now....

</3
Xrachelle lynnX

Monday, August 08, 2005

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 16:05:23 GMT

I may be in a good mood, yet there are some things that are bothering me. I don't know how to describe them.....Confusion, Lost, Hopeless? Those are the only words that come to my mind.

On a better note, Me and Ryan talked (well, it was more like text messaged, but same thing really). I was glad to hear that he was not trying to avoid me, though it still seems like it at times. All I really want is for us to be civial with each other, not enemies because of a month of us being, oh I don't know what you would call it. But, that is my whole view on the Ryan thing. BETRAYAL FINALLY HAS A GUITARIST!!!!! Cameron is the ever so beloved guitarist we have been looking for the whole time we have been a band. We have not had any luck with guitarists, let me tell you this. First, I was the guitarist, but I then decided that vocals sounded more me, and I could remember my lyrics better than guitar tabs and songs etc. Then it was DJ, but since he went to the army, he was out of the question. So for the longest time we were without anyone to play the beautiful guitar, until Friday that is. As soon as he started playing guitar, I knew that he was the perfect choice. He is very good, and I praise him greatly for his talent.

Now, in other news, today, I may be going to the mall with Britt, Cedez, and some other people. I do not know though. I am awaiting a call from them as I type. So, if you want in on our little mall corruption, call me within the next 20-30 minutes. And that is all you get from my little dark mind today...........

</3
Xrachelle lynnX

Sometimes I smile simply to make you think that everything is okay, but in the back of my mind, I know that I am lying to you, and I kill myself slowly and painfully for it every single night.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 22:26:03 GMT

I have had this xanga for 171 days. Wow, haha. Anyways, short update....I like Cameron, alot. But, we both really don't know what's going on between us now. Ah well. I will know soon enough......Plucked eye brows today, Painful process...haha.

I have something to add.....If someone isnt comfortable with themselves and they are taking measures to make that feeling go away, why cant the rest of you just shove off? It is none of your buisness what someone else does to THEIR body, not YOURS, theirs. Opinions are fine, but never tell anyone that they are stupid for making themselves feel more comfortable about themselves, that just is not right at all. Last time checked, this is still a free country...for a time anyways.

SONNY MOORE = HOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

</3
Xrachelle lynnX

When she looks in the mirror, she doesnt see what they see. And it scares her to the point that she is in tears with that razor to her veins..............

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 16:01:41 GMT

I love turning the music up really loud so that I cant hear anyone around me. Haha...espicially when it's something heavy like Cradle. Oh yes. It is quite great. So, yesturday I went to the library with the rents and then to my grandmas. It was interesting at the library, no reason that shall be mentioned here. But, anyways. Nothing interesting ever happens, but Jon gave me some good advice, which after about a half an hour, I decided to take. After all, he is a guy, so he knows more about it then I do, and he hears other guys talking, so yeah I listened. Last night, From First to Last was on Warped Wednesday, It was awsome, I turned it up loud, and it was like 11 30 pm and everyone was sleeping, but apparently it didnt wake anyone up, for I didnt get yelled at. OHHH I love it when Dani Filth Screams, ahh yes. It is so beautiful. Yes indeed. Well, that is all I have to say.

Leave me Some

</3

Xrachelle lynnX

Please just shoot me, I need to see you smile at me just one more time......

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 22:28:06 GMT

Well, the only thing going on is boredom. There is a whole lot of that going on right now........

So, anyways. I think I still like SHAWN......I dont know though....I just got DJ's address...I think I am going to write to him tonight. I have nothing to do, so that is what I will do. It is pretty pathetic when the only thing you have to look forward to is hopefully finding something good on tv (Yeah, that is how bored I am) I might get lucky tonight and find something worth watching on......fat chance but you never know. So....Tomorrow, I guess Im going to be with Britt, since I can never get ahold of anyone else when I want to. She told me to call her, so yeah. I just realized how important music is to me.......And how much I like Emo and metal....I cant decide which I like better........hmmm...I am changing my profile pic....I havent decide what to yet, but I am changing it for sure. So, I am going to leave you people with messages to certain people

@SHAWN@ Call me, I need to talk to you, and no, I am not mad at you. Get my # from samie or something......

ok, that's all the messages..............

</3
Xrachelle lynnX

edit

Look, it's me in the look up pic...i do not look good in that picture, but it is either that one or a suckier one of me, which i may change it too soon....I do not know.........................

edit-Monday 1 30 pm.................
I changed my pic again. This one is okay, and as before, is not my best. I need a camera. My dad has one, but I can't use it. But anyways. I am keeping this one until I get a better one taken of myself, so be patient. You only have to look at that ugly picture of me for a bit longer..........

and yet another edit- monday- 1 45 pm.....

Here are some random pics of random things?

oh look, it is me...I edited it so it was just me, but I was on the very edge of the pic, so it didn't turn out looking right at all......

this is the original pic that I edited above....See me on the edge...yeah. I kind of was mad because I look half way decent in this pic. All the ones of me that you can see me completely kind of sucked, at least to me. But, it's me, Britt, and Bryan on the end who took the picture. He got all his wonderful hair cut off and now it is a mohawk....haha. loser.

another picture of me and britt that I edited. The lighting sucked (we forgot to turn the light on until after this was taken) so, it is a little dark...ah well.....

this is when me grace and britt played dress up lol. This was the preppy one. It is also my profile pic, which was also edited. Haha.

another edited pic of the lovely me...oh yes

That is all for now. I would put more on here, but I don't really think that I want to. Okay yeah.....Here are some quotes I got off a quote site on here

Your Violence is Beautiful

I swore I didn't need you, But I'm a good liar.

Okay...now Im done.....

I </3 someone

</3
Xrachelle lynnX

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 15:27:53 GMT

IM NOT GOING TO BE OKAY! I HAVE NEVER BEEN OKAY AND NEVER WILL BE OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im so sick of telling people that Im okay with this whole Ryan thing, espicially myself. I hate lying to Ryan, I hate telling him that I am over Saturday. It is going to take so much more time, but I don't want to make him feel bad, I don't want him to feel like that it is his fault Im broken, because I was broken before he came along. He just made me a little bit more broken, but, it is not his fault at all. I am so sorry to anyone I yelled at Saturday night, I was not in the state of mind to talk to anyone. But, I am a little better now than what I was then. The best I can do is try and take my mind off it. So, that is what I will try and attempt (probaly fail) to do.

Xnameless phreakX

Friday, July 22, 2005

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 19:09:50 GMT

Useless Facts about me

1. I have an obsession with Dani Filth

2. I love energy drinks

3. Ryan is the only guy I can see myself with for the rest of my life.

4. I only like emo, screamo, and metal music.

5. I used to be in love with Ivan.

6. I once liked all the members of Pariah, except the guitarist.

7. I like Nirvana.

8. Cradle of Filth is one of my favorite bands.

9. I have a fetish with biting people, espicially guys.

10. Pain turns me on.

11. I think Sonny Moore is sexy

12. But I think Dani Filth is sexier.

13. I want to pierce my Ryan's belly button, but he wont let me.

14. I like lip rings, and think guys with them are hott.

15. I think this is pointless but am seeing how many I can write before I run out.

16. I am not normal.

17. Black is my favorite color.

18. I havent worn pink since 6th grade.

19. Ive pierced my belly button 5 times

20. Last time, Britt did most of it for me, and it is still in.

21. Safety pins are awsome in my opinion.

22. I like razors.

23. I am talking to Maggie and william on yahoo right now.

24. I hate cold, but I hate hot, I like being right in the middle.

25. I have 6 xangas.

26 I only use 3 or 4 of them

27. I like grave yards.

28. I have the word Hell in my name.

29. I wish I didnt have a name.

30. I wish I could fly

31. I wish I could lick the sky.

32. I dont have many friends

33. I dont care that I dont have many friends.

34. I dont like the flavor vanilla much.

35. I dont eat ice cream much.

36. I worry about my weight, even though I weigh less than 100.

37. I like eyeliner.

38. I wish it was storming.

39. Ivan is awsome.

40. I am shaking.

41. I am cold.

42. I still have to get a shower, though it is after 3.

43. I take a shower everyday, even if I stay home.

44. Whining annoys me.

45. I hate liers.

46. I once snuck out and got grounded for a month.

47. I have seen hangman's curse about 14 times.

48. Tv bores me.

49. I suck at science.

50. I play guitar, but not very well.

51. I can scream.....loud.

52. I like family guy.

53. I dont have a phone, but we have cell phones which people call me on.

54. I stay up until early in the morning and am up by 12.

55. I used to get jealous really easy, but about 3 days ago I stopped.

56. I like biting my tongue to see how hard I can get before I have to stop.

57. Emo guys attract me.

58. I used to skateboard.

59. I like banana pudding.

60. I like choclate pudding better.

61. I am wearing Ivan's shirt, which needs to be sewn before I give it back.

62. I like slipknot.

63. I havent always lived in Phila.

64. I like the word "Wicked"

65. Joey Jordison is wicked.

66. There are head phones sitting next to me.

67. I have a brother.

68. I am bored.

69. I can still think of more.

70. Rugrats was my favorite show in elementry.

71. Most of my friends are 14 or older.

72. I used to like Metal (Nick metal)

73. I like being with Ryan.

74. I dont want kids.

75. I dont know why people buy clothes with holes already in them.

76. I dont believe Kurt Cobain killed himself.

77. I think it was Courtney Love.

78. My nails need repainted.

79. Fire is fun.

80. Honkey and Cory Litten live across the alley thing from me.

81. I think that Eric is awsome

82. I hate Kevin Materna.

83. I dont want school to start.

84. All the skaters hate me because Im 'different'

85. I have to sneeze.

86. Normal people are scary.

87. I hate being the center of attention.

88. I speak what's on my mind.

89. Weird people are awsome.

90. I didnt think I had this much useless information about myself.

91. I am not afraid of spiders.

92. My best friend is Britt.

93. I am glad me and Cedez got things worked out.

94. I am a phreak.

95. I like Marilyn Manson.

96. Clowns are awsome.

97. This room is bare.

98. I just moved.

99. Ohio bored me.

100. I miss DJ

101. I went out with DJ twice.

102. I get my license next year.

103. I hate skaters around here.

104. I have skater friends from other places.

105. Ryan is a skater. and I love it.

106. Ryan is everything I hate, but that's what makes me want him more.

107. I have never made out in the rain.

108. Last time I got really sick, I missed two days of school and the next was a snow day.

109. I like scary movies.

110. I dont leave as many comments as I should.

111. I like mac and cheese.

112, I cannot cook at all.

113. I burned a pop tart once.

114. I am running out of things.

115. I use to be obsessed with hello kitty.

116. Last summer sucked.

117. My eyes hurt from looking at the screen.

118. I like cereal alot.

119. I dont want bright colored hair

120. Loud noises annoy me.

121. I dont have a job anymore.

122. I hate it when people talk at the same time as me.

123. I hate beinginterrupted.

124. I hate being ignored.

125. I never wear bright colors other than my pariah shirt.

126. I have a two headed cat from ht.

127. I wear long sleeves in the summer.

128. I ate a black crayon once when I was little.

129. I dont listen to the radio much.

130. I hate Kelly Clarkson.

131. I hate hollister.

132. i love apple juice.

133. I dont get the point of caps lock.

134. I dont like bread very much.

135. I dont check my email because no one but xanga ever sends me anything.

136. I have aim and yahoo.

137. I dont go swimming

138. I have a safety pin on my shirt.

139. I dont like school very much.

140. I am talking to Jes now.

141. I hate it when my friends get mad at me.

142. I hate rumors about myself.

143. Id rather people tell something to my face rather than talk about me behind my back.

144. I hate it when people start a xanga simply to leave rude comments then shut it down before the people see who it was.

145. I like hanging out with my friends.

146. I dont like my picture being taken unless it is one of my friends.

147. I like climbing trees.

148. Fish are amazing to me.

149. me samie and tessa once got a dog to follow us back into gym when we had to go get our hackey over the fence.

150. I dont like the band Bad Religion

151. I have never rode a horse, but rode the merry go round at the park.

152. I am shorter than most of my friends.

153. Britt is almost as tall as me when we dont have shoes on.

154. I hate it when people dont talk when you are talking to them

155. My mouth tastes weird.

156. My toothpaste is red.

157. Park place is my life, even though there are alot of dramatic people there.

158. I dont get scared easy.

159. I like halloween.

160. Quinn is my special friend

161. I cant sleep in until 4

162. Big macs are better than whoppers

163. I have two blankets on my bed.

164. I dont have the metal bar things on my bed, only a box spring and a mattress.

165. Jon Velez lives across the yard from me.

166. Red is my other favorite color.

167. I have my own bathroom

168. People dont usually come over.

169. I havent seen Ryan since Saturday/

170. I dont like Pac sun much.

171. I hate Posers

172. I tried out for cheerleading.

173. Im glad I didnt make it.

174. I hate preps.

175. I hate when preps think they are emo.

176. I am supposed to wear glasses, but dont.

177. I dont wear contacts either.

178. My eyes are cool.

179. I wear converses.

180. I use to wear vans.

181. I hate vans

182. I can touch my nose with my tongue.

183. It annoys me when people spit every ten seconds.

184. I have a maroonish shower curtain.

185. I hate it when people spell things wrong constantly.

186. I use to have a pink room/

187. I once collected barbies.

188. This is a laptop, not a computer.

189. I am adding ten more then Im done.

190. I spend too much time on the internet.

191. I dont like conceited people

192. I dont have alot of shoes.

193. I have too many stuffed animals.

194. They are all packed away in the basement.

195. I dont wear bracelets much.

196. I hate running.

197. I dont like football or sports.

198. I used to like basketball.

199. My fingers hurt from typing.

200. I really like Ryan Ankrom.

That is alot and I am done.......

Xnameless phreakX

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 17:33:51 GMT

Im a loser, and I will admitt to this. I sit at home most of the day on xanga. Eh. I need a life, really I do. Anyways, nothing ever happens to me that makes me all WHEEE anymore. The only thing was Ryan, but things are evening out and he's a normal part of this little dark life now. Lucky him. But this is all I have to say. I a ma boring person most of the time anymore.

Xnameless phreakX